The bootycall

OK, I have a confession to make. I'm fucking a teenager. I met him at a festival this summer, and I got a wee bit drunk and figured what the fuck and that was exactly what I did. Now, if he was interesting in learning stuff in stead of telling me stuff I already know, things would have been rather great. Well, if he didn't look like a bulky horse and shut up from time to time and never left with my keys when I passed out, things would have been great. They would probably have been a little bit like this:

(You're supposed to listen to the lyrics, not watch the thing, m'kay)

And, yeah, I know I shouldn't be nagging, I get laid easily and by someone young enough to get it up a few more times than the usual twenty-something, but now that I've decided the dude has got to go, he's got my keys and his parents gave him house arrest for staying out too late and I JUST WANT MY F'ING KEYS BACK! And for those Americans out there itching to type rapist or child abuser and other stuff like that, I can assure you mutual concent is on the table and anyhoo he's turning 18 this year. ('sides the minimum age for legal consensual sex in my country is 16).

And now you might be wondering why I screw someone that's so much younger than me when it's just a hassle. Hmm.. I wasn't aiming for the hassle you see. And I spent most of my teenage-years fucking (I did spend some time attending school and working and stuff too. Like in between all the fucking. It was, to be honest, more school and working and stuff and then a little bit of fucking. I'm not a complete slag) older guys, and most of my twenties wasting time on the thirty and forty-year olds, so now I just wanted some of that veal everyone else got growing up. Since I'm a vegetarian I should have reconsidered and gone for a spicy hummus. I know that know. Ah.. Isn't hindsight a bitch at times?