Bad Blogger!

But I'm STILL sick, so I think I'm allowed a break.This is kinda how I feel:

According to the doctors I have a virus and a throat-infection, and all I can do is wait it off, sleep a lot and drink gallons of water. And ginger-tea. Jey! Wish I could get a bloody fever so I could sweat this shit out, but no siree, it will not arrive ;..(
Me gonna be sick till winter and then I'm probably going to catch something else to add to my misery. At least my mum is still here. We have a very good thing going here, she does the dishes and I make the food. I like making dinner and baking and stuff, and I utterly hate doing the dishes so all is good.

OK, let's cut to the core. Saturday me and my darling mum got a little bit drunk (on her - jey 2!), and I ended up telling her about the whole incident with the cars and the cops and the money and stuff. She, being the best mother in the world, took my side completely when I mentioned my suspicion someone might have slipped me a Mickey or whatever we call it. She even told me she'd help me getting a loan. (That means she get a loan and I pay it off since all the banks I've applied to say I have absolutely no credit. Thanks banks, and fuck you too). I hate the fact that cash is king, but I also hope I'll be able to pay so I don't have to go to any more of those meetings. I want to colour my hair vivid red, and somehow I don't think that will help me in my case. I'm playing dress-up when I go there too. I try my best to look as normal and blend as possible, me no likey.

In sickness, I miss my health

Sick! Damn I'm sick. I've lost my voice and everything. Going to the doctor today. Another cost I should have been prepared for. I've had the same cold sores for a month now, tried everything. Especially the super-expensive cream that usually work. It's so minuscule and to think it's $28 and doesn't even work is a shame. Well, look at it:

So much money it hurts my soul

Yesterday  I went to the first meeting with the people who are going to decide how much money I am going to pay them in compensation for the damage I did to their cars. Only one showed up. And he wants $7.600. Combined with the other claims I've been told of, worst case scenario (and this is men and their cars where talking about) I have to pay around $16.666. That is if they show up. I really hope they all go on holiday. Seriously, why didn't anyone stop me? I'm 5.5 feet and about 154 pounds, how hard could it have been? I'm not saying I'd expect people to go do citizen's arrests just to get people off a trial or huge financial burdens, but come on! If you saw someone smaller than you messing with your property and you had friends and co-workers around, wouldn't you have considered to stop that person from damaging your stuff? This smells "I'm gonna earn me some money from that bitch". Well, whatever. I probably did all that shit. It's not like I can sit here and deny it. It's just that I wish I could have remembered. And enjoyed it perhaps.

Here comes a minor breakdown:
Gods, I hate this city! I hate the people in it! I hate this sordid freaking mess I'm in. Anyhoo.. (See? It didn't last that long). Next meeting is going to be the final one. And tomorrow I'm going to call the bank and ask them to give me a $16.666 loan and if I get it I'll pay this shit and eat from the trash 'till I'm back on my feet and then I'll leave. Or maybe I'll stage my own death and go work on a fishing boat and leave ship in the Caribbean or maybe I'll start selling drugs. Or something.

Fishermen in Barbados. Pic stolen from Tell The Truth Travel, which is a rather good blog

The guy who showed up today wanted compensation for damages to his cab and his loss of income. He drives night and his son drives day, and they wanted  $750 for each of the five days the car had to stay in the very expensive hospital for cars. That's $3750! But he didn't know if it included taxes, so he had to talk to his accountant. (I really do hope we uncover a tax-scam, at least that would be worth this).
But $750? A day? Damn. I should have gotten a license in stead of just eh.. drifting. And now you're probably thinking "Whoa! You don't have a licence? Bitch are you dumb?" but I couldn't afford it myself and my dad was lying in a hospital dying when I started the driving lessons, and then he got so sick I could hardly concentrate on school and whatever, life happened. And life is shit sometimes.
If only I didn't break my laptop, then I could at least make some very interesting electronica and try to sell it for commercials. One of the expensivooo ones. Those with cars in it. Try that one on for sale.. When I got home I made the drawing you see under. It's not a self-portrait (thank the Lords!), but I do have a runny nose today. Got the chill from walking home in the rain yesterday and had to take out some sick-leave. Bless me, I'm sneezing like there's no tomorrow.

So why blog?

Since I'm a girl in the world with a so-called drinking problem, and since I got a huuuge fine related to this drinking problem, I'm gonna quit drinking and puffing and having a ball and just be plain ol' me. And I'm going to do that without having money to play with, because they are all going down the drain of punishment, of witch I fully understand I deserve. If I could just remember what I did. The cops said I beat the crap out of four (very expensive) cars with my own bare hands, and even though I find that kind of hard to believe, I mean, look at what they can do:

(That's my own btw)
I'm going to pay that fine, and not drink a drop of that savoury bliss we call alcohol (well, at least not many drops). And also no more Mary Jane for me. She makes me depressed. So since I'm hereby on my way to soberness, I'll try and figure out something else to do that doesn't involve drinking. So I'll be a crafty bitch of a son from now on, clearing out my cabinet and do some cooking (you know, cakes and such), make my own clothes ('cos I can't go on to the shops now, can I?), try some knitting, paint and photograph and draw and write and I dunno.. Puzzle?
To be able to do all this I need an audience. That's going to be you, 'cos I can't  do this without having someone to complain to. And I promise you, I complain funnily. I hope. Here's a funny picture I snapped today, this is what a smashed car-window looks like. Don't worry, I didn't do it. Apparently I've done enough trashing for a lifetime me.  

You might have noticed that my profile picture looks kinda weird? Now naturally I can't show you my face because one day I might apply for work in your building, maybe even your job, and it wouldn't be fair to me if you knew all about me and me nothing about you now would it. 'sides, I like being a bit mystical.

First blogpost ever

And I'm gonna write about the day I smashed my computer. Yep, I did. Smashed my computer because I was stressed and angry and it was slow and I'd done something incredible stupid job-vise and needed to write the anger off. But the HP didn't want to start and therefore my anger got no output, so I smashed a glass on the floor and since that wasn't enough I put my fist down on my crappy computer and smashed the hell out of it. Which was really very stupid considering I have no money to buy another one and the hard drive was filled with samples and poems and songs that I needed. My therapist said I have anger-issues that I really need to work on, and I can see she's right. Usually my anger only harms me, myself and I, so imagine my surprise when I about a year ago woke up in jail after a night out on town.. That's something I'll tell you about later. Right now I'll just try and see if it's possible to put a picture of the broken glass in this post and continue writing afterwards.

Now, this was a real hazzle. I'm glad I made it. FYI, I still find pieces of broken glass all around my apartment even though it's almost two months since I broke the damn glass. OK, I'm not a fan of cleaning, but I'm not that lazy! I actually found a piece of glass in my foot before going to bed yesterday. Now that was fun. To be honest I haven't really killed my computer completely, so one day I'll get it fixed. To kill a computer completely you probably have to do something like this:

I stole that fancy picture from here.
Oh, those Israelis. And here I was, thinking someone like me had a gun and decided to use it to kill their crappy HP in stead of just beating it to death. But I'm probably just one of a kind when it comes to silly businesses like that. I mean, if you read the link you can see someone killed it for "politics" and "religion" disguised as "security", not just because they where angry. Oh well.